Jared Kleinman
Jared Kleinman is Evan's horrible friend and the absolute worst character in the Broadway musical "Dear Evan Hansen." (who gave you the right) Jared claims that he's only Evan's 'family friend' so that his parents will agree to pay his car insurance. He helps run the website for The Connor Project, even though Evan told him he didn't need help, and then complained that he wasn't doing enough.(Evan...Evan was the one that complained what who are you) He also made a school shooter joke and bitched for one line in a song that Evan wasn't letting him be a dick to him anymore. But "uwu soft meme boy" amiright fellas? (There is literally so many flawed characters in this and you go after the one that is a pretty complex? I? Who are you? Why are you bitching on Jared? What is happening? I don't even know the soft meme) Until June 2018, he was portrayed by Will Roland, who originated the role both on and off Broadway. On June 11, 2018, Sky Lakota Lynch took over the role of Jared Kleinman. Jared is sometimes mistaken for a garbage fire, several pieces of raccoon feces, and a spawn of Satan but uglier. (WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST THIS MAN) Appearance Jared Kleinman is 5'7" with brown hair and a slightly pudgy frame. His eyes are mostly blue, except for a small brown spot in the inner corner of his right eye. He wears large black and brown glasses, and his most famous outfit contains a light brown t-shirt along with a reddish-brown button-up shirt and jeans. In the last scene, he wears a sriracha shirt with a short-sleeved blue button down, a classic Jared look. He also has the face of a little bitch who will make insensitive jokes and then say "u triggered bro?" (*squints*) Personality Jared Kleinmen is very sarcastic, crass, and has a very know-it-all attitude. He is deeply insecure and uses humour to cover up just how much he, too, wants to ‘be found.’ He can be a bit of a HUGE FUCKING ASSHOLE at times aka all the time (I'm sorry what), using biting wit as a cover for the way he actually feels. Will Roland, who played him in the original cast, states that Jared embraces his friendship with Evan "as much as he knows how to”, implying that Jared may have suffered other bad relationships in the past. Despite this, he acts a very blunt, mockingly amused voice of reason in contrast to Evan’s default panic mode, often adding inappropriate humor to a bad situation. Although it is never confirmed, it is speculated by some that Jared is gay. He makes quite a few jokes about homosexuality and acts oddly around the subject, perhaps due to being insecure about being gay himself. And of course, this COMPLETELY excuses the fact that he's a douchebag. Whoopie! (who are you who wrote this why is this page descending into madness) Relationships Evan Hansen Jared expresses that he is not Evan's friend, and is instead a "family friend," and only talks to him because his parents won't pay for his car insurance if he doesn't. However, as the play progresses and Evan asks him to help with the fake emails, Jared starts showing that he cares more than he says, and he is a true friend of Evan. He and Evan bond over making this fake identity for Connor, and it becomes clear that Jared doesn't have very many friends of his own. This is because Jared has the personality of a decaying zucchini quiece that has been left out in a shitstorm. (WHO WROTE THIS BECAUSE I'M SORRY W H A T) Zoe Murphy He is seen in The Murphy's house during You Will Be Found, when Evan is proposing the Connor project and suggests that Zoe's jazz band play a song. He says, "Great idea, Evan," sarcasm laced through his voice, and when Evan thanks him, he responds, "No sweat." Additionally, during Act 2, he invites Evan over to steal alcohol from his parents. Evan declines, saying he has to "help the Murphy's," and when Zoe then comes onstage, she greets him before giving Evan a peck on the cheek. He says, "Look at you, helping the Murphy's," before stalking away. Quotes * "KINKY!" - In "Sincerely, Me". * "Oh yeah, one of those SECRET EMAIL ACCOUNTS! For sending pictures of your penises to each other!" - Before "Sincerely, Me". * "There is nothing UNREALISTIC about the love one man feels for another!" - Also in "Sincerely, Me". * "Is it weird to be the first person in history to break their arm from jerking off too much, or do you consider that an honor?" - He says this in the beginning of the show. * "Holyyyyyyyy shit. Holyyyyyyyy fuckingggggggggg shit." - When Evan video calls him for advice after the Murphys invite him over for dinner to talk about Connor. * "His parents think you were lovers, you realize that, right?" - In "Sincerely, Me". * "So you say what you need to say, and you play who you need to play, AND IF SOMEBODY'S IN YOUR WAY, CRUSH THEM AND LEAVE THEM BEHIND!" - In "Good For You". * "NO." - In "Sincerely, Me" * "What are you, like, an acorn?!" At the beginning of Act 1, when Evan tells him how he broke his arm. * "Connor, lovin' the new hair length, very school shooter chic." - From Act 1. * “Weird sex letter” Talking about what the letter is after he finds out about Connor stealing it. * "Oh, I think it's hilarious. I think everyone would probably think it's just hilarious."- This one is a dialogue break in "Good For You". * "YOU WHAT?! I can't believe you tried to kiss Zoe Murphy! On her brother's bed! After he DIED!"- After 'If I Could Tell Her'. * "Fuck you, Evan! Asshole! " - Dialogue in "Good For You", said right before he sings his verse in the song. * "Okay, please stop hyperventilating," Dialouge break in Sincerely Me, after the first chorus. Trivia * After a joke on Tumblr blog dearevanhansenheadcanons in late 2016, a joke originated, a derivative of the "Lov the Crunch" meme. The head canon is that Jared works at a Lush store and eats the bath bombs. It got a little out of hand in the fandom for a while, as the fandom began to see Jared as an "uwu gay meme baby", but it has died down now (2018). However, people still treat him as such and ignore what a toxic asshole he is. * Jared Kleinman is in 7 musical numbers, his most popular being "Sincerely, Me" * Jared is canonically Jewish * His initials are JK. Fandom Opinion To the fans, Jared is viewed as either annoying, comic relief/meme, or as the actual fucking piece of human garbage that he is(bitch excuse me). Some of the fandom really enjoys the idea of Jared eating bath bombs. Jared's overall rating is high, therefore, Jared could be summarized as the sarcastic, lovable chill character. However, there are many critics of Jared as well, stating that he is "a mean jerk" sic and does not deserve redemption. Mainly on Tumblr, Jared is also viewed as incredibly gay, as all his gay jokes are seen as his way of dealing with his gayness through humor, the same way he deals with everything else. Jared is not confirmed to be gay, however, there are many convincing fan arguments to this fact. Important Information You Need To Know I'm actually wheezing this is written so passive-aggressively. It's been 10 hours and this page has already undergone 3 separate editors (not including me). To those who didn't witness the war in the trivia section about consuming bath bombs, my respects (F) it was amazing. You know what's not amazing? The person who just randomly came in here and started hating on Jared. Seriously man who are you and what do you have against Jared, who was probably one of the most sane characters? What is your purpose in doing this? Where did you come from? Where did you go? Where did you come from Cotton-Eyed Joe? Sincerely, Me Category:Characters Category:Male